Tough Girl

Tough Girl – (started March 1992 – last updated Feb. 1, 2007) - to Kelly, whose strength I will never doubt, and Sara, whose strength is still unforgetable

I always knew
if Kelly and I
had a little girl
she would be tough
like her mother

Sara was a tough girl
her heart beating
strong
& loud
through a fetal monitor
strapped to Kelly’s belly
in Yale-New Haven Hospital

for two days
Sara’s heart kept
beating
strong
even after the doctors
at Yale-New Haven Hospital
gave up on her
and told us
Sara wouldn’t live
through childbirth

most of the nurses
stopped helping after that
even though Kelly
suffered – and struggled -
through pain
and needed the help -
she really needed the help -
they wouldn’t give

Kelly and Sara
had a pact
it seemed.
neither were giving up

in a still hospital room
lights off
shades drawn
Kelly and I could hear
the afternoon sounds:
cars passing outside
soap operas in the next room
and Sara’s heart
beating
fiercely
a few strands of sunlight
fighting -
stretching - their way
through slight openings
in the curtain
and into the room

i swear
through that fetal monitor
Sara was saying
“I can make it”
and we
desperately
wanted to believe her

i almost thought
the doctors
at Yale New Haven Hospital
who abandoned us
thought Sara might
make it.
otherwise
why would they leave
the fetal monitor
behind
(uncaring and cruel?)

when Sara
was born
after an excrutiating
(needlessly painful)
labor by Kelly
at Yale New Haven Hospital
Sara took
what appeared to be
one breath
(the nurse
said it wasn’t)
one memorable
movement
to engrain herself
in our spirits
and then
Sara
was
still