Dude-50
A little of this, a little of that; rants, raves, photos, doodlings and thinking out loud
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Happy Mothers Day
Happy Mothers’ Day (May 2006)
I fight through the gaudy cards
Some with ribbons and bows
Some muti-pages
All with georgeous sceneries
And floral arrangements on front.
What is this shit?, I thought
As I read through the cards
Although I’m sure
I mumbled
Something to that effect
Loudly
“From you Mother
I learned the true meaning of love”
Maybe if I slipped into an episode
Of Leave it to Beaver
And Mrs. Clever was my mom
Then maybe – MAYBE –
I’d be looking for a card like this
“Throughout the year,
I often forget to say
How much I appreciate
All you have done for me, Mom.”
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaagh!
“Each day
in raising my own family
I am inspired by all you did
Mom”
I’m only looking to get a Mothers Day card
But these cards set an impossible standard
for anyone to reach
Let alone someone
Who has gone through childbirth
Maybe a card I need to find
Would say:
Ma
I want you to know
From the bottom of my heart
That I harbor no ill will
About the excessive alcohol consumption
And ranting and ravings about nothing
And the guilt of losing children
(as many of you did
in the 1950s)
The paranoia
and how you were
overbearingly protective
to the point of not letting us out of the house.
You had a tough life
I’m sure you tried your best
Thanks
Really! - THANKS!
Happy Mother’s Day
Then I found it
Finally
A simple card
With a simple message
“For you Mom
on this special day”
Settled
A card to recognize
A special day
For a woman
Who deserves it
I fight through the gaudy cards
Some with ribbons and bows
Some muti-pages
All with georgeous sceneries
And floral arrangements on front.
What is this shit?, I thought
As I read through the cards
Although I’m sure
I mumbled
Something to that effect
Loudly
“From you Mother
I learned the true meaning of love”
Maybe if I slipped into an episode
Of Leave it to Beaver
And Mrs. Clever was my mom
Then maybe – MAYBE –
I’d be looking for a card like this
“Throughout the year,
I often forget to say
How much I appreciate
All you have done for me, Mom.”
AAAAAAaaaaaaaaagh!
“Each day
in raising my own family
I am inspired by all you did
Mom”
I’m only looking to get a Mothers Day card
But these cards set an impossible standard
for anyone to reach
Let alone someone
Who has gone through childbirth
Maybe a card I need to find
Would say:
Ma
I want you to know
From the bottom of my heart
That I harbor no ill will
About the excessive alcohol consumption
And ranting and ravings about nothing
And the guilt of losing children
(as many of you did
in the 1950s)
The paranoia
and how you were
overbearingly protective
to the point of not letting us out of the house.
You had a tough life
I’m sure you tried your best
Thanks
Really! - THANKS!
Happy Mother’s Day
Then I found it
Finally
A simple card
With a simple message
“For you Mom
on this special day”
Settled
A card to recognize
A special day
For a woman
Who deserves it
Mothers Day, Mapquest & My Mother-in-Law
Middletown Ave. in New Haven to Warren Rd. in Warren, CT, via Mapquest & My Mother-in-Law.
May 2006
Mother’s Day
A morning drive
New Haven to Warren Ct
Where the trees join together
In protective numbers
But allow for the winding roads
To travel throughout
The mighty trees
For miles on end it seems
Protecting the land from the developers bulldozer
One hour and 28 minutes
According to my Mapquest search
The directions are on the dashboard
And my wife Kelly
And two of our children
Sit in the back seat
But in the passenger seat
Questioning every turn I make
Is my mother-in-law
Step 1 –
Start out going on Middletown Ave, CT-17, & merge on I-91 North towards Hartford
15.8 miles
My mother-in-law starts:
Barbara and Harry still have that big house
He’s not moving around well at all these days
And the house is getting to be too much for them
I told them they should sell and get something smaller
But they think they need to keep the big house
For when the kids come…
Kelly and I catch a glimpse of each other in the rear view mirror and roll our eyes
Step 2 –
Merge onto I-691 west via Exit 68W toward Meriden/Waterbury
7.7 miles
My mother-in-law is still going,
Barely stopping to take breaths:
Do you remember Mary Lee? I ran into her the other day at Big Y
She had a son with Downe Syndrome also,
But she always struggled with it
Everytime she sees me, she asks,
“How in the world were you able to do it? You are a saint!”
This time when I catch a glimpse of Kelly,
She’s shaking her head.
Step 3 –
Merge onto I-84W via exit 1 on the left towards Danbury
8.7 miles
My mother in law is in full throttle:
I’m going to see my doctor again on Tuesday
I don’t know why, though
He continually misdiagnoses me
I spoke to Carol the other day
Her husband died of colon cancer
I told her, again
She should sue her husband’s doctor
Because I knew he had cancer
Before her doctor even did
At this point, I think Kelly was trying to claw her way
Through the back window to escape
Step 4 –
Merge onto Ct-8 N via Exit 20 towards Torrington
7.7 miles
Of course, it’s my mother-in-law talking:
Ed won’t let Carrie go to Hawaii in July
I told her before she even married him
That this will happen if you marry an Italian man
He’ll give you diamonds
But you’ll stay at home
I’m sure by now the two kids
Were assisting Kelly in trying to claw
An escape route through the back window
Step 5 –
Take Exit 3 towards CT-109 Thomaston CT-254- US 6
9.1 miles
Guess who:
I’m probably going to fire my attorney
He got that guy evicted from the downstairs apartment
But he never got him to pay me anything
For my troubles
I don’t want the money
But it would have taught him a lesson
And remember
This guy was not married
But he had some little slut staying with him most nights
At this point
I wanted to drive off the road
And hit a tree
Step 6 –
Keep right at fork to continue on East St./CT-118
7 miles
Now my mother-in-law was trying to pull Kelly into the conversation:
Kelly, do these roads look familiar?
I don’t know where we are right now, do you?
Kevin always does this, doesn’t he?
I’m sure Kevin took a wrong turn somewhere…
First – we were going in the right direction
Second – I usually never answer anyone who talks about me
Right in front of me
Like I’m not even there
But in this case, I made an exception, and suggested:
I’ll be happy to stop at the next store we come to
You can go in and ask where we are…
For the first time in 48 miles
Kelly smiled
She knew that if her mother got out of the car
I was taking off
Step 7 –
Turn slight right onto Bantam Rd US 202
6.7 miles
yes, Yes, YES! She continued
and all of her ramblings
did little more than revise the history
of her pathetic drunkin life
where, in her feeble, tiny, decaying brain
she was actually someone
This is a woman
Who has taken many shots
At many people
Including suggesting to my wife,
It is unfortunate that you felt you needed to marry down…
And now
Nothing would make me happier
Than the thought
Of dumping her in the sprawling woods
But just to prove
I’m not a cold, heartless bastard
I’d dump her walker along the road with her
And as we approached the last of the ride
Kelly looked exhaughsted
As she struggled not to listen
Step 8 –
Turn right onto Warren Road CT-341
6.7 miles
My mother-in-law concludes
Well, we’re finally here
It’s amazing that we even got here
So, that wasn’t a bad ride, was it?
May 2006
Mother’s Day
A morning drive
New Haven to Warren Ct
Where the trees join together
In protective numbers
But allow for the winding roads
To travel throughout
The mighty trees
For miles on end it seems
Protecting the land from the developers bulldozer
One hour and 28 minutes
According to my Mapquest search
The directions are on the dashboard
And my wife Kelly
And two of our children
Sit in the back seat
But in the passenger seat
Questioning every turn I make
Is my mother-in-law
Step 1 –
Start out going on Middletown Ave, CT-17, & merge on I-91 North towards Hartford
15.8 miles
My mother-in-law starts:
Barbara and Harry still have that big house
He’s not moving around well at all these days
And the house is getting to be too much for them
I told them they should sell and get something smaller
But they think they need to keep the big house
For when the kids come…
Kelly and I catch a glimpse of each other in the rear view mirror and roll our eyes
Step 2 –
Merge onto I-691 west via Exit 68W toward Meriden/Waterbury
7.7 miles
My mother-in-law is still going,
Barely stopping to take breaths:
Do you remember Mary Lee? I ran into her the other day at Big Y
She had a son with Downe Syndrome also,
But she always struggled with it
Everytime she sees me, she asks,
“How in the world were you able to do it? You are a saint!”
This time when I catch a glimpse of Kelly,
She’s shaking her head.
Step 3 –
Merge onto I-84W via exit 1 on the left towards Danbury
8.7 miles
My mother in law is in full throttle:
I’m going to see my doctor again on Tuesday
I don’t know why, though
He continually misdiagnoses me
I spoke to Carol the other day
Her husband died of colon cancer
I told her, again
She should sue her husband’s doctor
Because I knew he had cancer
Before her doctor even did
At this point, I think Kelly was trying to claw her way
Through the back window to escape
Step 4 –
Merge onto Ct-8 N via Exit 20 towards Torrington
7.7 miles
Of course, it’s my mother-in-law talking:
Ed won’t let Carrie go to Hawaii in July
I told her before she even married him
That this will happen if you marry an Italian man
He’ll give you diamonds
But you’ll stay at home
I’m sure by now the two kids
Were assisting Kelly in trying to claw
An escape route through the back window
Step 5 –
Take Exit 3 towards CT-109 Thomaston CT-254- US 6
9.1 miles
Guess who:
I’m probably going to fire my attorney
He got that guy evicted from the downstairs apartment
But he never got him to pay me anything
For my troubles
I don’t want the money
But it would have taught him a lesson
And remember
This guy was not married
But he had some little slut staying with him most nights
At this point
I wanted to drive off the road
And hit a tree
Step 6 –
Keep right at fork to continue on East St./CT-118
7 miles
Now my mother-in-law was trying to pull Kelly into the conversation:
Kelly, do these roads look familiar?
I don’t know where we are right now, do you?
Kevin always does this, doesn’t he?
I’m sure Kevin took a wrong turn somewhere…
First – we were going in the right direction
Second – I usually never answer anyone who talks about me
Right in front of me
Like I’m not even there
But in this case, I made an exception, and suggested:
I’ll be happy to stop at the next store we come to
You can go in and ask where we are…
For the first time in 48 miles
Kelly smiled
She knew that if her mother got out of the car
I was taking off
Step 7 –
Turn slight right onto Bantam Rd US 202
6.7 miles
yes, Yes, YES! She continued
and all of her ramblings
did little more than revise the history
of her pathetic drunkin life
where, in her feeble, tiny, decaying brain
she was actually someone
This is a woman
Who has taken many shots
At many people
Including suggesting to my wife,
It is unfortunate that you felt you needed to marry down…
And now
Nothing would make me happier
Than the thought
Of dumping her in the sprawling woods
But just to prove
I’m not a cold, heartless bastard
I’d dump her walker along the road with her
And as we approached the last of the ride
Kelly looked exhaughsted
As she struggled not to listen
Step 8 –
Turn right onto Warren Road CT-341
6.7 miles
My mother-in-law concludes
Well, we’re finally here
It’s amazing that we even got here
So, that wasn’t a bad ride, was it?