Parent Teacher Conference (May 2001)

8:15 a.m.
sunny and tired
parent teachers conference
"Hello Mr. Kane
where's Mrs. Kane?"
I was asked by Jack's teacher.
"Hello Mr. Kane,
where's Mrs. Kane?"
I was asked again
by Jack's Reading teacher.
They looked disappointed
when I said
from my small
third-grade chair
"She'll try to make it later."
So
after tossing each other a
"what's the fucken point" look,
they started talking about Jack
at first talking at me
like I was one of the third graders
then they started talking in "education speak"
you know,
like when blocks aren't blocks anymore
because they're manipulatives
and the small work room isn't a classroom anymore
because its a resource room.
they seemed happy
talking like that.
At one point,
just to fuck with me,
they started talking in Latin
(they even gave each other a high-five during that
conversation)
I enjoyed the art work on the walls
and remembered my days
in third grade.
I would look out the window
and dream of a day when I could escape.
The meeting changed, of course,
when Kelly arrived
"Mrs. Kane,
How nice to see you" they said in harmony
as Kelly sat down.
They actually shifted their seats
to face her
their tone was conversational
their content informational
it turned out to be a great meeting
and
afterwards
when Kelly and I talked about the meeting
while standing among the teachers'
smartly cleaned shiny cars
I couldn't help but to share my observation:
you know, I said,
the meeting sucked at first
No, Kelly said
Oh Yes, I said
and continued on...
I guess if you have a penis
these bitches are incapable
of talking to you.
I read to Jack
I play with Jack
I help with his homework
I do as much with Jack as you
but because I have a penis they have the fucken nerve
to treat
me like I haven't got a clue about my child's
education (I ranted)
I mean, have you ever...
But if these two bitches -
who are wonderful teachers -
But if these two bitches
were going to pull on my penis,
then Kelly was going to step in and sever it...
Did I ever? Kelly repeated
yes, every day, she said.
women are always treated like that
every day by people who have penises
and they treat women like that
because women don't have a penis
Did I ever?, Kelly said again,
with a hearty laugh!
yes, it hurt me
but what could I say
I told Kelly "
I would love to sit here and chat with
you, but I have to go to work"
and I meekly walked away
and when I got back to the car
I checked to make sure the penis was still there